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Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Why I Will Be Voting EFF In May

Millions of people are wondering who they should vote for in teh coming elections. After much thought and soul searching I have decided that I will be voting for EFF in May. Here is why...


All black people will be given free housing. There will never be anyone who is homeless again. The government will pay for thousands of big, spacious houses to be built and will give them to the masses that are living lives without dignity.

Each house will have free electricity and free plumbing. People will never be forced to move from their homes because they have a right to live wherever they please and with dignity. The EFF will ensure that all Africans are accommodated in the land of their ancestors wherever they want to be.


All Azanians deserve a land where they are protected by their government. Because the EFF is the party of the people the value us all as citizens and know that it is necessary to make sure we are protected.

The days where we all fear police brutality will be behind us. We will see a new and energized police force which is trained and conscientious. Crime will be all but forgotten because our new police service will be motivated to serve the people. All criminals in the service will be routed out and expelled or prosecuted.

Courts will ensure that justice is served and it will be safe for everyone once again as it was in the days before colonialism.

Right to Education

Every person will receive free education at primary, secondary and tertiary level. No more mud schools and all schools will have electricity. Schools will be safe for learners where they will receive education paid for by the state. No person need ever take out a student loan again.

All schools will have government issue textbooks. The EFF will take a very big interest in ensuring that learners are taught the true history of Azania – about evil colonialists and imperialists as well as the atrocities of Apartheid. They will be shown the rise and fall of the once mighty ANC as well as taught of the role that the EFF has played in the struggle.

Learners will be taught how to identify racism and how to call it out and use it to their advantage. Julius Malema will be known as the messiah of Africa – the one who freed the blacks from the oppression of the west. Maths will be simplified so that everyone can pass it. English and Afrikaans will be a thing of the past and the world will learn of the beauty of our African languages and heritage. Science and biology have been introduced by the whites to oppress the black man, this will be made easier so as to give all learners the ability to pass.

Investment opportunities

We have been told that foreign investment will be withdrawn once we take power and this does not worry us. We do not need investment from the imperialists and we will not allow them to rape our country any longer. We will look to the east to form strategic partnerships with other countries which have been the victims of colonialism. China and India have already made firm promises to assist Azania in the transition to economic freedom after 7 May 2014. They have asked that when the time comes we should make concessions and because we trust them we will do so in good faith and will trust that they have nothing but good intentions.


For too long the black man has been used as cheap labour by the whites for profit. After the EFF takes power all manual laborers will receive a living wage and will no longer have to live beyond their means. Their families, even if it is 20 of them on 1 income, will live comfortably.
Labour brokers will be illegal and government will ensure that no oppressor or settler will benefit from black labour. The workers will be in control of the companies and will benefit directly.


True economic freedom will be achieved. Government will allocate jobs and housing and education and healthcare so that all money earned is used only for living life.  No longer will the black man be forced to work far from home just to send small amounts of money back for his wives and children to live.

The economy will be owned and run by the African majority who will benefit directly from it.

Open and transparent government

The EFF is committed to ensuring that the government is open and transparent. The tender system will be abolished because it is abused too often by corrupt officials.

They will never lie to us and will always act in our best interests. The land and mines and banks will all be run for the benefit of the people and the EFF will openly keep the people informed of how it is being run.
No secrets will be kept and any wrongdoing will immediately be corrected.


It is patently obvious that with the ANC in power Aparthied has never fully been abolished and has simply been entrenched between the privileged whites and the new black elite. There has been no true integration and the black population has remained at the bottom of the pile.

Under the EFF we will see a new reign where those who have been so oppressed for decades under the old white regime and now again under the so-called democratic regime will be brought into the fold and made true citizens of Azania.

Land, mines and banks

All farms, mines and banks will be nationalized without compensation. The government will own all the land and all economic interests for the benefit of the people. They will use their extremely highly skilled members to efficiently run the businesses.

The people will be given the right to live on the land and to use the land and to make it profitable but will not be able to make money off the land as the proceeds will be used to benefit the whole of the country. No person will be allowed to sell their land and if the land is not worked then they will be asked to move and their places taken by others who will work the land.

All proceeds from the minerals extracted from our soil will be used for the benefit of the people. No longer will we allow it to be extracted and to immediately leave our shores to make the imperialists rich.

Superior leadership

In Julius Malema we have a leader who is charismatic and a man of the people. He is a visionary and has the courage to lead Azania out of the poverty it is in thanks to the settlers. Malema has the courage of his convictions and is a fighter for economic freedom in our lifetime. He is honest, hardworking, intelligent and a good role model.

The rest of the leadership of the EFF has nothing but the best interests of Azania and its people at heart and will work tirelessly to create a communistic utopia where all the people of Azania are equal in all respects.

Now, please read the first letter of each sub-heading…


  1. Thanks GG!! You nearly got me. But I will still remember all the good stuff in his promises.

    1. lol... Thanks whiteson. I enjoyed writing this year's April Fools post. Should be an interesting day and I can see a whole bunch of lawyers rubbing their hands together in anticipation of the court challenges to the election results.

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