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Friday, 30 November 2012

Shaving, Bathing, Meat and Sewage

I have been following a series of articles on News24 the last few weeks with a great deal of interest and some degree of disgust as well. The articles are written by a woman called "Maureen Dent". Maureen is a typical judgemental hippie vegan - who lives on a golf course! Her self-righteous and entirely annoying tone of writing makes people immediately take offence. Maureen has regaled the News24 audience with her rants about how she refuses to shave (anywhere), how she never uses soap or shampoo and bathes only with warm water (irregularly it seems) and had tried to prove that all the world's problems are caused by the consumption of meat (according to Maureen meat-eaters are inherently violent and angry - she doesn't realise that Hitler and Pol-Pot were vegans and look at the horror they caused). Her final article has espoused the joys of fertilising her home veggie patch with effluent from her own septic tank. She has even informed us that she NEVER uses toilet paper either. And to top things off she accuses anyone who showers on a daily basis of selfishly wasting water that will be needed by future generations. Thank God the woman is self-employed because I highly doubt anyone but her own breed of militant ignorant vegan hippie-types could stand to be near her.

So, to Maureen I would like to say the following:

1. Shaving is healthy and hygienic. And on top of it all it is attractive. Yes, you may say that I have been brainwashed by the male species but to be perfectly honest I like the way my smooth skin feels. You see, I have done the whole "not shaving" thing and I have never been itchier or battled with such horrible body odours. Shaving is definitely the way to go. But you need not shave if you prefer not to... that is your prerogative.

2.  Soap is a fantastic invention. You see, as one goes about their daily business they will perspire and pick up bacteria everywhere. Something is needed to kill that bacteria so that you do not get sick and as an added bonus you don't stink up the place. I would think that after a few thousand years of societal evolution and scientific advances soap must be one of the very best inventions in the history of man. I hate to be near people with bad body odour - as would any NORMAL person. I also hate the idea that I would smell bad. Its not a nice way to treat people around you. I'm sure you have become so used to your own foul smell that it no longer bothers you - but to the rest of us you would stink. I am very glad that I am nowhere near you and pity your neighbours and people you come into contact with.

3.  Toilet paper  is another of those fantastic inventions I was talking about. You see, man devised a method of cleansing himself after relieving himself so that we no longer had to use leaves to do the job. its much gentler. And I am sorry - but your diet means that you never have to wipe? How the hell would you know unless you check? And to top it off - how can you NOT wipe after peeing? Or do you prefer to drip dry? In which case I am even happier to state that I am not in your vicinty at all because not only would you smell like wet dog because of all your untamed body hair that has only been scantily showered with some warm water but not washed - but your underwear must reek of urine and faeces. And what about when your period arrives? You don't wipe or use any form of sanitary towel or tampon? That is really disgusting and not to mention unhygienic. But looking at your picture I see that you have probably already hit menopause so that  must be why those things never bother you.

4.  Meat was placed on this earth for man to eat. If not then why is it possible that there are nutrients in meat that we need to be healthy that we CANNOT get from plants? Why have our teeth evolved in such a way so as to enable us to tear and chew meat? And why the hell does meat taste so damn good if we were not meant to eat it? You asked if I would kill and eat a pet? If it came down to it and there was nothing else to eat then damn well yes I would eat the dog - its him or me. But while there is an ample supply of beef, chicken, fish, lamb and pork to choose from then there is no need for me to do that. I think what you are lacking is a lovely medium rare steak.

5.  Now, I am all for having a veggie patch in your garden and growing your own food. But please do not tell me that I should use human waste. That is quite simply one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard of and if I were one of your neighbours I would have called the department of health a long time ago - I hear that unsanitary behaviour that endangers an entire community actually carries a jail sentence. Typhoid Mary? No longer - now it is Ecoli Maureen. No wonder you speak such crap - because you eat it! I would not accept so much as a precooked microwave meal from you. But not all of us have a garden - it seems that living on that golf course has made you forget that not everyone is (undeservedly) wealthy - although maybe you got that cash by people paying you to not stand upwind from them?

6.  Showering on a daily basis - do I really have to discuss this one? If you have not mastered the art of basic hygiene the I see no help for you. And I really do enjoy a long soak in a hot tub with a good book and a glass of wine every now and again - its to soothe away the aches and pains of long, hard weeks. A shower in the morning is the most refreshing way to start the day - washing off all of the sweat accumulated on my skin during the night. And it means that the people in my office don't have to run shrieking while holding their nose closed when I walk through the door.

Having said the above -  your honesty is refreshing and you damn well have the right to say whatever you want and I will defend to death your right to say it. But I will always be grateful that you will be judging me from halfway across the country safely behind a computer screen because I would not want to ever be in the same square kilometer as you - I'm pretty sure I would smell you.

You can read all of Maureen's articles here:

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